How many children/calorie do guys, er, release?

Sounds weird, right? Well, it sort of is.

So we need to figure out, on average, how many children per calorie a guy will ejaculate. Why? Because why not?

This page here says that the average number of sperm in an ejaculation is about 280 million sperm, the same as a rabbit, interestingly. Though, the article does start off talking about how you shouldn't use detergents in a vagina for birth control, it does have some sources, so it's credible enough. 

Fun fact! Bat sperm doesn't die for 135 days! In comparison, human sperm only lasts at most for 48 hours. Wasn't that fun?

Now the average numbers of calories used during masturbation was a little harder to get, because every time someone would ask the question online, other people start talking about how you shouldn't use masturbation for exercise, and just start spouting numbers without sources.

But I did find a reference to the Young People's Reproductive and Sexual Health & Rights Organization here. They do have a bunch of stuff on their questionably designed webpage, but it's not sorted. Searching them, others seem to echo that the YPRSHRO said that it is between 100 and 150 calories, but is that just them getting it from other webpages or has anyone actually pulled up the webpage and looked through it?

Anyway, we've got 280 million sperm, and lets say 125 calories. Simple division tells us that the average man comes out to 2,240,000 children per calorie. 

And by using this as a source for some more math, and that Hitler's regime, in total killed 11,501,250 people, an average man is literally 1.94 decihitlers/calorie, which is about 1/5 of a Hitler. Good job guys.

High five.

How often have you peed your pants?

I was bored in the shower one day, and my thoughts drifted around. Eventually I thought, why not figure out how often people pee themselves, on average?

So I did.

First, let's establish that the average lifetime is 71 years old, and that the world population is about 7 billion(we'll just use that as the exact figure).

Then, I started off by looking for lifetime diaper usage.

These numbers from a NatGeo article were the best I could find. However, the majority say that parents will go through some 5,000 diapers during the first two years and just in general, more than these, so I'm really questioning the NatGeo article. The number just seems way too low, and if you've ever had a friend with a kid(hopefully, you have), then you might hear just how many diapers they go through. The article may have actually averaged not just disposable diapers, but a number of cloth diapers as well, or taken into account conditions in impoverished areas, leading to a lower average overall. It doesn't make sense to me, as I've heard and seen babies sometimes getting changed up to ten times a day, but we'll just stick with what we have.

So our average number of diapers is 3796 diapers per lifetime(diaper/life)(why am I trying to make units out of this. The problem is that one might assume that a baby could just poop, not pee as well, in the diaper. Well I don't really have any idea how to find numbers for that, so I'm just going to assume that pooping is always accompanied by peeing, although peeing may not be accompanied by pooping. So the 3796 diaper/life is also the same as 3796 pisses/71 years. Why I typed this whole argument is a mystery unto itself.

However, this does not take into account someone just pissing their pants because of some other reason, when they're older. Let's be conservative and say everyone's pissed their pants at least once in their adult lives. Of course they have, and of course some haven't, or at least, that's what they want you to think. So if all seven billion people have pissed their pants once, and the average life expectancy is 71 years, then  

7 billion pisses/71 years=98591549.2958 pisses per life

Wait, what? 

 ...Ok, er assuming that I didn't completely screw up the math, 

(98591549.2958 + 3796)/71 =1388666.45487 pants pissed/year
  
Well, congrats, I guess. The human race, as a whole, pisses 1.3 million pants per year. But we aren't finished. No, not yet.

We need to figure out how much you piss your pants.


(1388666.45487 pants pissed/year)/7 billion=0.00019838092 pants pissed/year/person

I have no clue where this math is going anymore.

Good night, everybody.